The Almost Impossible Task Of Calming Someone Down
It’s almost impossible to take an intense emotion and detinsiify it. It’s like driving a car at 100 mph and then trying to come to a complete stop. It’s somewhat easier to swerve that car in a slightly different direction.
You have to re-position or re-direct the intense emotion. If you try to shut it off, you will encounter resistance and possible even more intense emotion. One tactic an angry person will use is control. Almost all anger is a desperate attempt to gain control. In order to try to gain some control over you they will bring up things from the past. You can counteract that position by remaining calm, keeping them focused on the present situation and finding a solution to the current problem.
5 Myths Bad Leaders and Managers Believe About Anger
1. Intimidation gains you respect 2. If I don’t get angry, they got away with it 3. Strongly confronting an angry person will cause them to back down 4. If I can get really angry, it will help me calm down 5. Anger is not something I can help, it’s just the way I am
How can you deal with logic and thinking like this?
5 Things You Can Do With Someone Who Is Angry
1. Try to reverse it the emotions. When you speak, try to keep a calming, level tone in your voice. 2. Become a masterful listener. 3. Don’t get pulled in by focusing on your own hot buttons. Disconnect the emotional wires to those. When they get pushed, you lost. 4. If you made a mistake. Admit it freely. Apologize if appropriate. Do not apologize if you are only using it as a tactic. They will see it as patronizing. 5. Provided guided problem solving. Ask future-oriented questions. Do not assume you know the answer and do not necessarily provide the answer, get the angry person back to rational thinking.
Try to remember anger is a natural human emotion. However, when overused or used as a weapon, anger turns very ugly. If you can’t stay calm in the middle of someone’s angry fit, you just need to remove yourself from the situation. It is possible to build positive and productive relationships with these people when you respond to them in a positive way. Once the anger has passed, you should try to communicate with them to coach them and help them see the destructive effects of the too intense emotional state.